This week has been a rather tough week. And it is a week where I have to consider a lot of things in terms of the trajectory of where I want to go.
Who I want to meet… Where I want to be… It’s all this big fascination, one that is making me scale things around for the first time in a while.
As someone who likes to work hard, and someone who doesn’t like to let anyone down, it has been rather hard to try to think about changing and scaling my life around in order to suit me and the advancements on where I want to see myself in the coming years.
This is not just in a personal level, it is also in a professional level, career level, and it is also in thoughts of how I can improve the blog I have created. It’s all encompassing.
The deeper analysis of my life:
There are some aspects of my life where I have wanted to be liked. And it includes following the rules, trying to say the right things, all of the nitty gritty stuff.
However, there was a deeper part of me which realizes a crucial detail. Sometimes, my need for progress is not going to satisfy other people’s need of stability. Stability is ok, as long as I find it reaches towards your goals. But to be stuck, in life? Pigeonholed into a role when I tried to prove to myself and others of my skills?
I had to ask for that change when I wanted it. But I realize,: even after I ask and think that I can prove I was capable for more. Maybe they wouldn’t give it to me.
It crushed me, sickened me even.
But this made me realize something: maybe there are certain things that don’t align.
And… It’s making it a bit easier to slowly change lanes and get into something different.
It was a hard decision to do on my end. Really hard. But as we are reaching to an end of another year, where the shops are bound to get busier with people planning their purchases… Did I really want to face that again?
This is with the consideration of I have so much to do, and if other people are making move similar to what I have considered: Would it be that bad?
My ideal future:
I realized after a few years that I can’t stay stuck in a single role for long. This is unless it satisfies me towards learning something along the way. So I am hoping throughout the years, I would be to constantly learn new things, grow and eventually, be able to teach other people about these things. I will admit, part of that future’s still vague, but I do eventually want to give my skills back to people in order for them to grow and become better.
I know the world won’t be the same forever. Things are changing, and evolving each day, and I want to be part of that movement. Whether it is producing the next story that… Sure, it may have some common tropes, but I want that relatability and although there are similarities, I want to create something that everyone can relate to. Or at least, will use over time. This is what I try to accomplish in my blog.
The plan:
This includes in my personal life too. I want to learn and consume stuff, have lots of skills in my arsenal. I will admit, it will take lots of time and experience in order to learn that. But at the same time: I want those experiences that I have and will gather for future stories and projects, Some which I want to complete.
I notice with one story in progress having at least 8+ drafts of one story, I realize I can also be quite the perfectionist. So I would like to complete that story one of these days in the near future. But also with my career, I want to see the ins and outs of how certain things work, how they are constructed and how the whole process of something works.
‘I’d like to continue analysing these processes. Learning new things and seeing at what I can achieve. That is the reason on why I had to take a certificate in order to gain better experiences and outcomes, but also… It is why I had been considering to myself. Maybe I should focus more of my time on that. Focus on the future, of what it could be, work towards it, but also try to not get too wrapped up into the future.
So this is why, I thought I would do the thing that I knew was going to be hard. One that will make lots of people question at what I am doing. Or maybe, I am just over-reacting and that everything will turn out ok.
The better life…?
I don’t know until I try, but lots of people have encouraged me to try towards doing certain things that I have been meaning to do for a while. And as with all things, I really should just try – take the risk – and see how it will turn out.