These last few weeks have been rather interesting. When I say interesting, I mean it has been wild, in trying to find myself in the rhythm of Fridays. From trying to catch up on assignments to trying to figure out other tasks I need to accomplish. It has been a ride so far. Full of responsibility and accountability.
ISo, it’s invigorating to see myself taking more responsibility for than I have been in the past couple of months. I will be honest. There is a part of me that is intrigued about trying to take ownership about my work. Or at least, the responsibilities that I decide to take on.
Here’s something I have done:
A few days ago, I decided to do something a bit different. And that is to go to a different group to the running group I usually go to. It was quite the experience to do something I wouldn’t normally do. But I would suppose, since I had lots of things I had missed stacked against me, there’s this… Force? Ownership, maybe even dedication to go there and see what was there.
The first time for toasts?
The first time I saw it was years ago in my local library. And it was nice to see a group like that running there. But I will say at the same time, When there’s a well-known group that resides all around the world. But with the people you barely know, I don’t know how other people will take it. It gets scary to get up there and say ‘hi!’ or ask questions about it.
But to come in… It was surprising to see people diagnosed with a range of disabilities attending the group. So it was a nice surprise that after coming there, I am able to attend, speak on the mic a few times… And heck, see how the group works.
I guess the implications of it all however, when they start to talk about their course and it makes them improve on their skills… Sure, it was nice to focus on. However with their high fees to sign up plus an annual fee to join, I decided it was a better idea to back out, even though I did think about it very carefully, and decide due to high costs, I’m not going to join that group.
Even if the high ranks look appealing, the TAFE course is more important to me than having a course that may waste money for just sitting there.
So I will say: I like the implementation of the group, although there was a part of my brain that was luring me towards it, to learn something new and buy it. But again, it’s not for me.
Other obligations
I will say, that aside, I also said no to the fact that there was work on the weekend for the first time this year, and… Sometimes, I do understand. You have work to do. You need the rent. But when it’s ten hours for lots of those days, when it’s coming towards the end, and the work just never stops coming, I know that the decision is hard for me to do. Yet it is vital. I am learning to take a step back, even if it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that people are expecting for me to do the ‘right thing’.
Although I am starting to think that the ‘right thing’ is subjective, especially since the right thing could be right for anyone. To one person, maybe working 9 to 10 hours five days a week is ok, but for me, I don’t really prefer it as ‘the way it is.’ Sure, it is ‘the way it is.’ but if you don’t try, then maybe you might not be able to get to the way that you want it to become.
Maybe I am weird, or that I am upset with the way that my life is. I could be.
But at the same time, with however much I am getting now, to the point of thinking, considering on how much I could receive if I try to do something different.
Now, wouldn’t that be a wonder.